The Brunswickan

Live News

The Mastriano Affair: Administration Response

New Brunswick’s Water Strategy: A Promise Half-Fulfilled?

Clinic 554 closing: Higgs Attack on Bodily Autonomy

Rally Against Hate: Fredericton Allies Rally Against Alberta Anti-Trans Policy

Here We Go Again-UNB Student Union Election Debate

NB Liberals Lambast Current Administration Over Policy, Budget, and Performance

Fredericton: Living Wage Update. Spoiler, It’s Not Good

Arts Matters: A Conference Organized by Students for Students

New Brunswick Housing Crisis: Higgs and Government Babying Landlords whilst Citizens Suffer

The Mastriano Affair: Revisiting Douglas Mastriano’s Allegedly Fraudulent PhD

David Coon Calls to End Higgs Gas Tax Subsidy

UNBSU Campus Food Bank: Student Union Tackles Food Insecurity on Campus

The Current Conflict in Palestine: Perspectives from Fredericton

Delays, Bus Passes, and Advocacy: Frustration and Change Boarding the Fredericton City Buses

David Coon Calls for Government Investment Rather than Tax Cuts

ARUES101: How To Name a Society

Fredericton Harvest Jazz and Blues Festival 2023 “Lee Rains on the Parade”

Mark Jarman’s Newest Collection, Burn Man, is Hot Off the Press!

On Robotic Pollinators, Complaints, and Steep, Steep Hills: Kasia Van Schaik and Sue Sinclair Jointly Launch New Books

Propaganda is Fine if it’s Funny: Memetic Warfare (featuring New Funswick)

Moncton Documentary Filmmaker Brings Physical Art to Light

You Met Me at a Very Chinese Time in My Life

Cut, Capture, Create: UNB’s MAAC Showcase Highlights Emerging Voices

Hope in an Era of Hate: A Webinar on Building Trans Power Through Knowledge and Community

clear sky
19.6°C
  • Fredericton
clear sky
19.6°C
  • Fredericton
August 14, 2026
Follow Us:
The BrunswickanBlogArtsSatire: COVID-19 Socialite

Satire: COVID-19 Socialite

Amanda McCarthy is a Fredericton socialite whose name often pops up on the VIP list of A-list parties in places like New York, Toronto, Vancouver, and Los Angeles. However, the 45-year-old social star has been stagnant as of late. Why? Coronavirus.

“I run my own business. I’m a girl boss, you know? An influencer,” said McCarthy. “But because I can’t fly down to L.A. every weekend, my brand is suffering.”

McCarthy claims to be a self-made millionaire, but The Brunswickan has sources indicating that her 95-year-old “silver fox” husband is the one who funds most of her endeavours. However, even without her weekend trips, McCarthy has been finding ways to spend her time, and her husband’s money.

“I mean, my birthday is coming up, and I’ve been so terribly sad because Brad said I couldn’t go to Cabo with the girls, so what do they expect me to do? So I’ve been shopping the Black Friday sales, ordering online from Louis Vuitton, the usual – just a little bit more,” McCarthy explained. “The life of the rich and famous isn’t as easy as they make it out to be on Keeping up with the Kardashians. I have some real life struggles going on because of corona.”

McCarthy elaborated on these corona-induced struggles, explaining that, “fashion really is everything,” and that even with online shopping, her wardrobe has suffered. 

“Some boutique stores, especially the good ones from New York, just don’t sell online. I’m much worse off than my friends who decided to stay in America. Who cares if they have more cases of the virus? I can’t live with my clothing stuck in 2019!”

McCarthy spends her days sipping mojitos by the pool. She noted that having her husband working from home was irritating, but tolerable, as, “the bastard spends the whole day in that study of his, on conference calls that he apparently can’t take a break from – even on his own wife’s birthday!”

Obviously it’s tough to be a socialite in a pandemic. Nail salons are largely closed, no big house parties, no travelling. 

“Brad keeps saying to me, ‘Amanda darling, there’s a pandemic going on. I can’t have you self-isolating for two weeks every time you come home, I’d miss you too much.’ I wish he’d let me go to Cabo with Angelina and Michelle. I’d like to sleep away from the old man for two weeks. I could stay in the pool house – it would be like an early Christmas present, even if I had to be in Fredericton,” said McCarthy. 

“It’s much harder for me in this pandemic than it is for regular people, you know. I actually did lots of interesting things, and now I can’t. It’s very difficult to sit by the pool now that the weather is getting colder. And they’re saying I can’t even go shopping in Moncton anymore – this whole virus thing is stupid!”

Bradley McCarthy declined to comment.

Tags:
Share:

Related Post