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August 12, 2026
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The BrunswickanBlogSatireSeparate but Equal – UNB Campus to be Segregated by Reds Bookbag Status

Separate but Equal – UNB Campus to be Segregated by Reds Bookbag Status

Segregation has existed throughout history. Today, similarly nefarious plans have been concocted on the UNB Fredericton campus. Just last week, the university’s administration announced the formal segregation of students dependent upon whether or not they own an official Reds bookbag.  

UNB is experiencing segregation issues, and the divide between students is broadening. As a result, professors and students have begun to entirely shun students without UNB Reds merchandise. 

One anonymous student hesitantly shared their story with The Brunswickan.

“You know, I worked all through high school – studying, taking notes, skipping parties to get good grades, and asking all the right questions. My family is large. I have seven brothers and eight sisters. I wanted to be the role model, and I was… that was, until people realized I couldn’t afford Reds merch. As soon as they found out I didn’t have any, the students taped me to a chair and made me sit in on every recorded student union debate,” the anonymous student said while tearing up. 

“The ostracization wasn’t even the worst part. I lost my girlfriend because she thought I was an unpopular loser who didn’t have merch, and then when I got home to greet my family, every one of them had a UNB Reds backpack. They all were in a big group in the greeting area, and as I opened the front door, the disappointment on their faces stung my pride as if someone had put a cigarette out on my heart.” 

Teary eyed, the student continued: “Each family member told me how much of a disappointment I was. They questioned what kind of idiot I must be for not having purchased a UNB Reds bookbag alongside a UNB keychain and the UNB identification cardholder.” 

“Eventually, I just left my family and their bullying,” he explained, now despondent. “I quickly succumbed to homelessness. I had to fight to survive on the streets of Fredericton.

“My family disowned me due to my lack of merchandise, and my girlfriend left me for the same reason. I had to drop out of UNB and apply to Renaissance College…” the former student drifted off for a moment, a look of confusion in his eye. “I still don’t even understand what they do there, and I’ve been there for three years now.”

“I tried therapy, but my story was so sad that it caused my therapist to schedule a therapy session of their own, so I stopped doing that.” 

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