Aidan Keenan
CW: Suicide & Spoilers
For a pretentious, budding existentialist such as myself, I’m Thinking of Ending Things is nearly a perfect novel.
After watching the film adaptation of I’m Thinking of Ending Things back in 2020 I was thoroughly intrigued by the prospect of digging into the source material. However, Iain Reid’s debut was more than I expected.
Written in simple, accessible prose, Reid presents an initially haunting and disorienting narrative about depression, isolation, and suicide. “Disorientation” is possibly the best way to describe I’m Thinking of Ending Things—particularly after the halfway point. Although, after finishing the novel, the initially disorienting narrative completely unravels to reveal a heart breaking depiction of suicidal ideation.
Briefly, the first half of the novel is set in the mind of Jake—the unnamed narrator’s boyfriend—who is imagining a relationship with a girl he met at a Trivia night (although this is not revealed until the final chapter). It is revealed that the titular line: “I’m thinking of ending things” does not refer to the narrator ending her relationship with Jake, but instead Jake’s own suicidal thoughts.
During the final chapter, the school that the narrator is trapped and stalked in is, in fact, where Jake works. The symbolism of this dead end job quite literally trapping the narrator is powerful if unsubtle.
Throughout I’m Thinking of Ending Things Reid asks questions about intimacy and relationships. For instance, the unnamed narrator meditates on the fact that a romantic relationship requires both parties to consciously choose to let the other “in,” unlike the relationship between parents and children which is usually biological. These simple yet powerful views on romantic dynamics are sprinkled throughout Reid’s narrative, some bordering on poetry.
More powerful still are Reid’s meditations on loneliness and suicide. Whether intentionally or not, Reid bites on the central question of Absurdism—i.e. why, or why not, commit suicide? I’m Thinking of Ending Thing’s examination of Camus’s question is refreshingly candid. More powerful still is that Reid’s character takes a definitive stand on the issue by taking his own life.
In short, I’m Thinking of Ending Things is a short—210 pages with wide margins—meditation on romantic relationships and death. Although the narrative is purposely obtuse, the questions Reid proposes are deceivingly simple, and well worth asking.
Book Cover of Im thinking of Ending Things
