Hey boss babes! It looks like I have been possessed by that girl you went to high school with that keeps trying to get you to join a pyramid scheme! OOPS! And I’m here to tell you about a golden opportunity, an opportunity that completely changed my life. Before this opportunity I was truly down and out, but now I am up and in! I have never felt this happy and you can feel this happy, too!

Do you want to grow your social circle? Do you want the opportunity to rise to the top of the pack? Do you want all your dreams to come true? Do you want to maybe, potentially make money? Then join us today!

You might be thinking, “What am I joining?” That’s a great question. Keep asking questions. Who knows, if you ask enough questions, maybe someday you’ll end up like me. Now you may be wondering, what does ending up like me look like? And that is another great question :). 

Are you hardworking, dedicated, entrepreneurial, and willing to risk your savings? If the answer is yes, then you are exactly who we are looking for! With this opportunity you’ll be working side by side with a group of like minded individuals and have access to a number of things. Through hard work and dedication you’ll have the chance to earn credits towards a variety of cool prizes, the top prize being your very own yacht!

Not convinced? You are one tough nut to crack, girlie! Check out some of the testimonials from people just like you who took advantage of this opportunity: 

“Before I joined, my life was awful. I had 17 children and no limbs. Now thanks to this opportunity I was able to limit my kids to my two favourites and have grown arms and legs!” -John from Moncton. 

“My whole life I was never able to bag a DILF. After joining this incredible team I have more DILFs at my door than at a farmer’s market on a summer’s day. It’s a dream come true!” -Amy from Halifax.

Please send me $2,000 cash in the mail and before you know it that money may increase! If you send me the money in the next five days your name will be entered in a very special raffle.* Thanks for taking the time to read my little spiel. Now the opportunity is in your hands. Will you take control over your life and join us or will you spend the rest of your sad existence in a cubicle sucking on your boss’s dick in the hopes of a week’s vacation? I’m writing this from my yacht in the Caribbean and Captain Jack Sparrow himself is feeding me grapes, and you have no way of disproving that.

*I reserve the right to not draw names for the raffle and/or keep the contents of the raffle to myself because I deserve it.