Satire: Dead rats found in UNB Student Union Building
Satire: Dead rats found in UNB Student Union Building
This story has been updated with new information
Dead rats were found all over the Student Union Building last week.
“I was on my way to my shift at Tim’s on Wednesday morning and there were rats everywhere. I screamed and immediately left the building,” Sodexo employee, Patricia Rattus, said.
The Student Union Building (SUB) is the student hub on campus with a pub, a bar, a convenience store, a cafeteria, a jewellery store, a hairdresser’s and a Booster Juice that magically disappeared one day—but that’s a whole other story.
The Fredericton Police’s Communications Officer, Ratya Rattina, said there were rats “dancing it up” at S-Club, “pounding shots” at the Cellar, and crying in the Blue Room lounge.
“But here’s the thing,” Rattina said, “the rats were dead, so despite how it may sound, there was no activity happening at all. Really nothing suspicious.”
Rattina said the rats were all frozen in their positions at S-Club, the Cellar, the Blue Room, and other respective locations.
None of the dead rats were available for comment.
The rats varied, but the black rat (Rattus Rattus) was the most common species found in the SUB. There were no physical wounds or blood on any of the dead rats.
The Fredericton police said it was suspected poisoning.
UPDATE:
In an attempt to clear the rat bodies from the SUB before students encountered them, animal control, with help from the Fredericton police, used shovels to clear the bodies in an effective manner.
Out of nowhere, the rats rose from the ground and started attacking the police and animal control officers.
Rattus and Rattina were both on the scene during the attack, but instead of assisting the police and animal control in controlling the rodents, they joined in the attack, sinking their buck teeth into the ankles, necks and arms of the officers.
The Brunswickan deemed the situation unsafe to cover any further, but on the way out of the scene, Rattina had some final words for our reporter.
“I infiltrated the police, Ratricia took on Sodexo, and as leaders of the rat clan, we instructed the other rats to play dead within the social hub of UNB. When this fight is complete, the rats will have full reign of campus, we will have won,” Rattina said.
“Now put that in your notebook.”
Keep in touch with our news & offers
Subscribe to Our Newsletter
Thank you for subscribing to the newsletter.
Oops. Something went wrong. Please try again later.
Comments
Μπνου αναφορ Binance
I don’t think the title of your article matches the content lol. Just kidding, mainly because I had some doubts after reading the article.
www.binance.com注册
Your point of view caught my eye and was very interesting. Thanks. I have a question for you.
binance referans kodu
I don’t think the title of your article matches the content lol. Just kidding, mainly because I had some doubts after reading the article.
Binance注册奖金
Your article helped me a lot, is there any more related content? Thanks!
binance
Your point of view caught my eye and was very interesting. Thanks. I have a question for you.
binance
Thank you for your sharing. I am worried that I lack creative ideas. It is your article that makes me full of hope. Thank you. But, I have a question, can you help me?
Vytvorení úctu na binance
Can you be more specific about the content of your article? After reading it, I still have some doubts. Hope you can help me.
Registrácia na binance
Your article helped me a lot, is there any more related content? Thanks!
Registrieren
Your article helped me a lot, is there any more related content? Thanks!
Registrasi Binance
I don’t think the title of your article matches the content lol. Just kidding, mainly because I had some doubts after reading the article.
Binance开户
Your article helped me a lot, is there any more related content? Thanks!
Kode Referal Binance Terbaik
Your article helped me a lot, is there any more related content? Thanks!
To tài khon cá nh^an
Thank you for your sharing. I am worried that I lack creative ideas. It is your article that makes me full of hope. Thank you. But, I have a question, can you help me? https://accounts.binance.com/ES_la/register?ref=T7KCZASX
官网
Thank you very much for sharing, I learned a lot from your article. Very cool. Thanks.
бнанс код
Thank you for your sharing. I am worried that I lack creative ideas. It is your article that makes me full of hope. Thank you. But, I have a question, can you help me?
best binance referral code
Thank you for your sharing. I am worried that I lack creative ideas. It is your article that makes me full of hope. Thank you. But, I have a question, can you help me?
註冊即可獲得 100 USDT
I don’t think the title of your article matches the content lol. Just kidding, mainly because I had some doubts after reading the article.
bono de registro en Binance
Can you be more specific about the content of your article? After reading it, I still have some doubts. Hope you can help me.
Iscriviti per ottenere 100 USDT
I don’t think the title of your article matches the content lol. Just kidding, mainly because I had some doubts after reading the article.
binance
Thanks for sharing. I read many of your blog posts, cool, your blog is very good.
binance sign up
Thanks for shening. I read many of your blog posts, cool, your blog is very good.
inscreva-se na binance
I don’t think the title of your article matches the content lol. Just kidding, mainly because I had some doubts after reading the article.
binance Sign Up
Your point of view caught my eye and was very interesting. Thanks. I have a question for you.
binance kod
I don’t think the title of your article matches the content lol. Just kidding, mainly because I had some doubts after reading the article.
Bonus Referal Binance
Can you be more specific about the content of your article? After reading it, I still have some doubts. Hope you can help me.
binance
I don’t think the title of your article matches the content lol. Just kidding, mainly because I had some doubts after reading the article.
binance bonus za prijavo
Can you be more specific about the content of your article? After reading it, I still have some doubts. Hope you can help me. https://www.binance.info/sk/register-person?ref=OMM3XK51
binance us register
Thanks for sharing. I read many of your blog posts, cool, your blog is very good.
Зарегистрироваться в binance
Can you be more specific about the content of your article? After reading it, I still have some doubts. Hope you can help me.
bonus pri prihlásení na binance
Your point of view caught my eye and was very interesting. Thanks. I have a question for you.
www.binance.com registrēties
Thanks for sharing. I read many of your blog posts, cool, your blog is very good.
Реферальный бонус на binance
Your article helped me a lot, is there any more related content? Thanks!
free binance account
Thank you for your sharing. I am worried that I lack creative ideas. It is your article that makes me full of hope. Thank you. But, I have a question, can you help me?
binance推薦代碼
Can you be more specific about the content of your article? After reading it, I still have some doubts. Hope you can help me.
bezplatn'y úcet na binance
Can you be more specific about the content of your article? After reading it, I still have some doubts. Hope you can help me.