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STUSU office being replaced by what?!

In a shocking move at end of business yesterday, the University of New Brunswick evicted the St. Thomas Students’ Union from the SUB.

The STUSU, who have been tenants in the building since its opening in 1968, were escorted from the building by UNB’s campus security force, the Red Hornets.

Betty Sullivan, SUB director, said: “ I received a call from my boss last week and they said Bettster, your building is drowning in a sea of red ink, you’re about $800 big ones in the hole per year, so you need to raise some capital. In this case it’s all about the benjamins. I’d like to help out the Students’ Union, but we don’t have any space to spare.”

In the Union’s space, the university will be installing a two-lane bowling alley. Cost, including installation and renovations to make the area more bowling friendly, will be in the neighbourhood of $200,000. Several student-only part-time jobs will be created, and Subtowne is readying a line of UNB bowling clothing. The lanes are expected to break even in year three.

San Diego Chives, STUSU president, was shocked and dismayed by the turn of events.

“I’m shocked and dismayed by the turn of events” he said. “We’ve been a part of this building since day one, and for UNB to kick us out like this, especially without any warning is atrocious. Headpins will roll!”

Greg Bayleaf, UNBSU’s outgoing president, said: “I’m shocked that our good friends and fellow compatriots in the fight against the man have been given the old heave ho by the establishment. For many years we’ve stood side by side for the benefit of the students, but hey, this is about bowling,” said Bayleaf.

“The UNBSU is ready to take on all comers. Our team, the SU Plunderers, will kick ass. All councillors will receive their official SU bowling shirts in September.”

Other UNB groups have come out and announced their new teams, such as the CHSR Lapins du Mort (Bunnies of Death), the Bruns Barbarians, the Bookstore Bandits, and the gaming club has claimed The Wesley Crushers.

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