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SPOOF: Traffic signs cause campus confusion

By: Pizza Whisperer

Signs recently installed on the University of New Brunswick campus have caused more confusion than initially expected.

The signs were placed in prominent locations on busy roads running through campus, and consist of two components: a top section stating “MAXIMUM 30” and a bottom section displaying “YOUR SPEED” with a screen displaying the speed at which drivers are travelling.

The reception of the new signs among students was generally poor, with many saying they were unsure of the exact purpose of the signs.

“Yeah, the first time I noticed one of these signs was when I was rushing up to S-Club to see this hot chick my friend was telling me about,” said Pat Li, a UNB student. “It was telling me two different numbers – the top said 30 and the bottom was flashing 70. It was weird.”

Li is not the only student confused by the signs. Emmet Squish, frequent driver and Geodesy and Geomatics Society president, weighed in.

“It seemed that the bottom number varied, but the top always stayed at 30. So I started experimenting and discovered that the bottom number was somehow wirelessly connected to the activity of my gas and brake pedals,” said Squish.

“I just don’t get it,” said Li. “What is the significance? Are they supposed to add up to a certain number? Do they need to have common multiples?”

Disgruntled transportation engineering professors Alan and Adam Buildahand were not pleased with the student reaction.

“It’s really simple, actually,” said Dr. Buildahand. “It’s a device to get drivers to slow down on campus.”

Dr. Buildahand added, “People often don’t realize how fast they’re driving on campus. This displays it clearly and effectively.”

At print time, the GGE students had affixed a scoreboard to the sign-pole, and were recording new high scores with a Sharpie.

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