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SPOOF: How to be a sports announcer | Sports clichés for the everyday fan

By: TinTin Stalin

Sports announcers have been around for years — and the same sports clichés have been used over and over again. So with a new V-Reds season upon us, here is a look at possible new sports clichés for announcers young and old.

This Week’s Sport: Quidditch

1. If Ron Weasley continues making big saves: “He is locking everything down like Azkaban! Only a sirius shot could break through.”

2. During a boring game: “What am I, a house elf? I’m getting nothing from this! This is Riddikulus.”

3. After a team takes a dominant lead: “They continue to rake in big points every day! I guess this is just their daily profit.”

4. When you spot a wizard hipster at a game: “That is so Nimbus 2000!”

5. On a missed Bludger hit: “Oh bloody hell, I’ve seen a better hit from the Whomping Willow!”

6. When Draco Malfoy uses dirty tactics: “How is Draco still alive!? He is leaving a dark mark on this game.”

7. When Harry Potter gets knocked down by a Bludger: “Not even his mother’s eyes could help him see that Bludger. Boom! Head shot!”

8. When the Golden Snitch is released: “. . . why don’t they just use Accio Snitch?”

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