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SPOOF: Red Bombers to enter into lingerie league

By: Lebron James

Coach Dike Mollimore announced Friday the Red Bombers will be changing their look.

But don’t worry; they’ll still look as good as before — even better.

“We’ve decided to enter into the lingerie league,” said Mollimore. “I think it will give us an advantage over the rest — more aerodynamic.”

With the changing of the uniforms comes the changing of the name. The former “Bombers” will now be representing UNB with the title of The Red Bettys.

Until now, the lingerie league had been strictly for women. However, in hopes of breaking the barrier between the genders and making all things equal, Mollimore made the leap to enter into the league.

Receiver Fatty May, a veteran on the team, said he is hoping it will help fill the gaps in their defensive line.

“The defence has more holes than Josh Fleck’s fishnet stockings,” he said, referring to a former teammate-turned-pro. “I’m hoping, since we’re playing all women, it will help us get a few victories on our side.”

Runningback Mave Foolofhickeys, another veteran on the team, is a little skeptical of the new look.

He thinks the team won’t be taken seriously.

“I’ve seen the way the women are objectified in the league,” he said. “I am nervous we won’t be held to that standard. They may just come to the games to watch us play. What if that happens?”

Since the announcement of the league transfer, the men have been a more frequent sight at the Curry Leaf Centre – a beach-ready body is a must.

“We’ve upped our training regimen to three days a week — for 45 minutes a day — to get ourselves in shape for the season,” said Foolofhickeys.

Coach Mollimore was unable to confirm whether or not the men would be wearing Victor’s Secret or La Menza, but said the crowd should anticipate something great.

“Our men can pull off the colour red really well,” he said. “We’re lucky to have such a diverse team, with so many options available to us in terms of shades.”

The men play their first game on Aug. 24 against the UNBSJ Sea Hogs.

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