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SPOOF: Name change for Currie Center [SIC]?

By: Jennifre [sic] Wiggins

The Richard J. Currie Center [sic] is undergoing a proposal for a name change.

The proposal stems from UNB’s new initiative to improve the New Brunswick literacy rate by leading by example, and the spelling mistake on the Currie Center [sic] is the first thing to go.

“It’s hideous and, worst of all, it’s facing outward to the world,” said UNB’s dean of education Richard Sherman. “When you try me with a sorry businessman like Currie, that’s the result you’re going to get. Don’t ever talk about me.”

Currie donated $20 million to build the Currie Center [sic], which is the single largest donation ever made to a university, and UNB is keeping the contribution to pay for the renaming. Part of the money also went to the $200 repayment students received after the strike.

“It’s his own fault if he can’t spell right,” a university spokesperson said. “Sucks to be him.”

The Currie Center [sic] recently underwent a $100,000 renovation to change the main desk from one side of the room to the other (no seriously, this happened in real life) and talks are also underway to purchase nine-foot basketball hoops so Javon Masters can actually dunk in practice next year.

Among the suggestions to replace the name atop the Currie Center [sic] include the MacKenzie Wash Barn, the Mario Training Centre, or Jillian’s Gauntlet.

The now-named Lady Beaverbrook Gym is also under consideration to be renamed either Ryan’s Cold Pit or the Geoff Mabey We Should Just Leave The Names Alone…Centre. With an “RE.” Because that’s how shit is supposed to be spelled in Canada. C’mon UNB, get your shit together FFS.

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