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SPOOF: Aliens invade UNB | UNBSU takes neutral Stance

By: Cher

With aliens from the planet “I Can’t Believe it’s Not Butter” recently invading campus with demands to have comparable rights to human beings, the UNB Student Union has taken a neutral stance on the issue.

The aliens invaded on Monday, cancelling classes and demanding that they have equal rights to human beings.

“We’re not asking for much,” said the aliens’ chief commander Xccchhj IJJJah. “We know we won’t have the same rights as humans, but we just want ones that are comparable to theirs.”

However, the UNB administration doesn’t seem to agree. They have blocked out their invaders with a super force-field provided by SWA Security, paid for with tuition money.

“We’ve been doing our best to negotiate with the aliens,” said UNB president Eddddddddy Camppp. “We’re already giving them the right to live. What more do they want? Shouldn’t they be taking this shit to the UN?”

The aliens have been picketing outside the force-field and holding daily marches with sympathizers. However, they have yet to answer the question of why they think UNB could give them rights on Earth.

“EJFHE4HU4HUHRRRRFFH COMPREHENSIVE fdkjfhuuueugfffpe, TEACH dihfuurfh,” said Hjjji Jxxzz, another one of the aliens.

The UNB Student Union has taken a neutral stance on the invasion, arguing there are students on each side of the issue.

“We have students who think aliens should have comparable rights, and some students who don’t. So as a union, we’re advocating for both sides to work something out,” said UNBSU president, Ted Sharpney.

“But seriously, this is bullshit. Fuck.”

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