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Dear Ari.

Dear Ari,
My boyfriend is a lot of fun and very social, but also very flirty. His confidence and flirtiness was what attracted me in the first place, but I get jealous when I see him flirting with other guys. He says it means nothing to him and it’s just how he interacts with people, but it really bothers me. How do I make him see that without coming across as possessive??
Sincerely,
Relationship Robbie

Dear Relationship,
It doesn’t sound as if your boyfriend is trying to hurt you or make you feel jealous. Like you said, his mannerisms were what drew you to him initially.
It’s normal for you to feel a little disappointed in realizing that maybe your boyfriend’s flirtations weren’t something special between the two of you, but – I know this sounds cheesy – there must be something special between you, or else you wouldn’t be together.
To have a positive conversation about it with your boyfriend, you’re going to have to pinpoint exactly what it is about the flirting that bothers you so much. If you are somewhat possessive, be honest about it. Keep in mind that your boyfriend was flirty before he knew you, and you know that he still is now. Maybe he can tone it down a bit for your sake, or channel it into flirting more with you, but you need to recognize that you can’t actually change him.
Affectionately,
Ari

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