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Dear Ari.

Dear Ari,
I think my roommate is gay, but he’s never actually told me. How do I let him know I’m cool with it without being too obvious?
Sincerely,
Straightguy Stan

Dear Straightguy,
Your roommate thinks you’re straight, but you’ve never actually told him. How did he let you know he was cool with it without being too obvious?
Oh? You didn’t tell him you were straight? There’s some perspective for ya.
If he feels the need to tell you anything about his sexuality, he’ll do so if and when he’s ready. You don’t need to pry, prod, or speculate. You just need to treat him in the same way that you’d treat any of your other friends. Respect his privacy!
Affectionately,
Ari

———–

Dear Ari,
My roommate thinks we’re BFF and wants to do everything together. She’s nice enough but I have other friends (who don’t really like her) and I just want us to be roommates and that’s it. How do I tell her without hurting her feelings and making it awkward?
Sincerely,
Tactful Ty

Dear Tactful,
Seeing as how your roommate hasn’t done anything offensive in wanting to be your friend, I’m not sure you need to explicitly “tell her” anything. If you don’t deliberately invite her along for any of your plans, she’ll likely get the hint eventually.
Try to figure out why your friends don’t like your roommate. If the characteristics they dislike are hurtful or can be helped, that may be something to discuss with your roommate.
What’s awkward and hurtful is if you carry on with your roommate as though you are best friends. If your roommate initiates a conversation on the matter, you need to be open and honest with her. Emphasize how good of a roommate she is to you.
Be patient, and understand that her feelings may be hurt regardless of how delicately you address the situation.
Best case scenario, you’ll find room in your heart for just one more friend.
Affectionately,
Ari

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